How could the legal system get it so wrong?

This is where you wonder whatever happened to common sense!

IN the Melbourne Sunday paper, there is an article about a father who separated from his wife 11 years ago. They have a daughter who is currently 11 years of age. According to the article, the father has been forbidden by the courts from seeing his daughter for the past 10 years.

Why, you may ask. What has he done wrong?

Well, it appears, nothing.

The court has had him assessed by experts and they all say he is of good character. He has never assaulted his wife or daughter or done anything to harm them. In fact, his wife has twice accused him of molesting their daughter – which has been proven on both occasions to be false.

The reason given by the court as to why he is not allowed to see his daughter until she is “of age” is “the court accepted she [the mother] would ‘shut down’ emotionally if Steve [the father] was allowed to see his daughter and that her distress would affect her parenting skills.”

Here’s my take on this.
1. Where one parent purposely lies to the court to get custody or to get the court to rule that the other parent is unfit to parent, the liar should be severely punished.

2. Where one parent reports the other parent molesting the child, and it is proven that (i) the parent didn’t molest the child, and (ii) the accusing parent made the report because of the need to punish the other parent, the accusing parent should lose custody. This is serious stuff and impacts on a lot of people. I’ve consulted with people whose lives have been wrecked because of false allegations.

3. Stopping a separated parent from seeing their child because the caring parent would ‘shut down’ emotionally and the distress would affect their parenting skills if the separated parent did see them is a load of crock! Get some help. If you can’t get over it, give the child to other parent who can deal with it. This is not a valid reason for stopping the other parent (who has done everything right) from having access.


Is anybody thinking of the child?

Children are often the pawns, torn between parents who decide they are going to punish each other regardless of the cost. Parents who will do anything to one-up their ex.

The bottom line is, parents who do not want to do the right thing by the child, should not be parenting the child.

The child didn’t ask for this. He/she came into this world with the expectation that both parents would love them and care for them.


If you have a child or children and you are going to separate:

• Get some help and fix any personal problems you may have. Especially problems that will stop you from being a great parent.

• Remember, your child is what is important. Imagine how they are feeling. They want both of you together (ideally). If this can’t happen, ensure they still have contact with both parents. The ones who do shared custody seem to do the best.

• Set rules. Ones that both parents abide by so the child has the same set of standards in both homes.

• Never bag your ex out in front of the child. Never ridicule or degrade them. Keep your comments to yourself or air them to someone “who cares”.

Being a parent means being responsible and considering the needs and wants of the child. It means always providing them with a soft spot to land. It means teaching them how great relationships work, how to be a great parent and how to get the best from life.

You are their mentor. They depend on you.