Julie's mother had an operation last November - one she had to have - and the chances of survival were given at around 40%.

She did survive. However, complications set in and she has gone from hospital to hospital. Over the past few weeks, she was moved into a nursing home and became harder to communicate with. Julie kept telling her that it was only four days before she would see her. Three days. Two days and then one day.

On Mother's Day, we drove to Melbourne (a six hour trip) to spend the afternoon with her.

On entering her room in the nursing home, we could see she was very frail and she had trouble recognizing we were there. We knew she didn't have long to live. It was like her spirit had decided to start to leave.

At 12:30 the next morning, Julie received a phone call to say her mother had passed away.

It was almost as if she was hanging out to see Julie - who has had a very close relationship with her mother.

Important Life Lessons

Julie quickly pointed out that her mother was now at peace. The suffering had finished. The physical state she said she never wanted to live in had passed.

Julie was also at peace with her passing. She had told her mother on every day they communicated that she loved her. Both had completed all they needed to say and do.

Have you made peace with the loved ones in your life?

Have you achieved everything with your loved ones that you would like to achieve?

Have you said all that you would like to say?

All too often in consultations, I speak with people who live in regret that they hadn't told a loved one they love them. They didn't do all the things they wanted to do. They feel guilty this person has left and, for them, the chapter is still not closed. "If only ... ".

Second, whilst walking through the nursing home I couldn't help but think how many people were there suffering when they didn't have to be. People in their 70's and early 80's.

I looked at my parents. Mum turned 90 this year and Dad turns 89 in a month. Both still live in the family home and are capable of walking around town unaided - although Mum does have a walker to assist her. She is supposed to be using it all the time yet I have seen her down the street without it. Dad plays golf three times a week and has a motorized buggy he walks behind.

At this point, neither have serious health problems. One of the reasons is we make sure they look after themselves physically and nutritionally. Yes, they do take supplements, which has certainly helped them to be where they are.

I'm amazed at how many people fail to look after themselves. When they have something go wrong with their health, they should be going to the doctor and don't. When they do go, they fail to tell the doctor the truth relating to their health - meaning the doctor can only treat them with the information they are given. Result: more ill health.

It's much easier to learn to stay healthy than it is to get sick and then try and cure it.

Jane, are you on a preventative health program or a curative one (I'll fix it when it happens)?

Third, death of a loved one can be difficult to get over. Here some tips to help:

(a) if you were to die and go to "heaven", would you want your loved ones forever grieving or moving on?

I had one client respond in a joking manner "Grieving. I want them to miss me for a very long time".

Nearly everyone says they would like their loved ones to do some grieving and then move on.

(b) if you were to die and go to "heaven", how would you like to be remembered?

Would you like to be remembered for the good times and what you have achieved?

Every time you think of the deceased, have a memory that empowers you and makes you feel good. Even plant a tree or a rose bush in memory of them. Buy or wear a memento. Focus on how they have helped you become the person you are today.

Here's a quote I love by David Harkins:

"You can shed tears that she is gone,
or you can smile because she has lived.
You can close your eyes and pray that she'll come back,
or you can open your eyes and see all she's left.
Your heart can be empty because you can't see her,
or you can be full of the love you shared.
You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday,
or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday.
You can remember her only that she is gone,
or you can cherish her memory and let it live on.
You can cry and close your mind,
be empty and turn your back.
Or you can do what she'd want:
smile, open your eyes, love and go on."